As I’m writing this do not for a second think the “first world problems” nature of my gripe is lost on me.
As most of you know by now, I have an all or nothing approach to most tasks. It’s why I tend to avoid casinos because I either win big or more often than not, lose bigger.
All on red.
Take up a hobby – Fly
Do a triathlon – Ironman (have I mentioned that before?!)
blah blah blah.
I have recently asked the medics if I could sneak a ski trip in before the stem cell transplant seeing as I’m getting on reasonably well with this chemo.
The answer has for want of a better phrase, has thoroughly pissed me off.
It is not likely I will be able to ski again.
I don’t go every year but to never go again is just bollocks.
Now not to panic my parents too much, but I’d rather go out enjoying myself than slope off into old age where crown green bowling is the pinnacle of excitement I can extract from my free time.
If I am going to take a gamble, I’ll do it on my terms doing what I enjoy doing.
This sounds petulant and childish and I guess it is.
Maybe I’m destined never to grow up physically or mentally, but to put it in context, I’ve spent the last year (yes, its the anniversary this week) doing as I’m told, not drinking, playing it safe. I am bored stiff and have no intention of spending the next X number years being a dullard.
I won’t be courting broken backs for the hell of it but there is a balance to be found. If fun happens to err towards the riskier option, I’ll probably take it and mitigate the issues as best I can.
I bored myself and probably you all, way too much in 2017.
I bought a bloody pair of chinos for Christs sake (I wont tell you what I invested in at Nantwich market today; there will be photographic evidence in due course!)
I promise that I will fight this fucker of a disease every step of the way. That is not cockiness or bravado; I just don’t know how else to take it on, even if I cannot ultimately beat it (yet)
And maybe if my luck is for turning, I might just rake in a few quid on the roulette as I go along.